Saawariya: The fairy's tale!

Since it's impossible for me to review the film in my current frame of mind, here's my interpretation of how Sanjay Leela Bhansali interpreted "White Nights" with Saawariya, the first Indian movie to pay tribute to fairies. Will put up a more serious review later in the week...

Like Rani as Gulabji tells us right at the beginning, the movie is all about a rockstar fairy.

Soon enough, the fairy with pink lips (Ranbir) comes to Blue Light Area, turns down the hottest hooker (obviously, duh!) and bonds with the sisters before telling old hag, silly Lilly (Zohra Sehgal) that he will do the Full Monty to pay his rent. Soon, music director Monty sets up an appropriate number for him to drop the towel. In America, since it’s not unusual for fairies to show their ass on screen, he got to flash. Here, apparently the Censors took it.

By now, we so know Bhansali’s sensitivity towards the mentally ill. Tired of being attacked for his melodrama, this time he shows us with sublime subtlety without never ever directly mentioning that this fairy is mentally ill (check out the Prison Break 'Haywire' expression when fairy does Masha Allah) and sometimes stalks random chicks with backless blouses waiting at the bridge.

One night, the fairy thinks he has met his twin when he spots Sakeena waiting under an open umbrella when it’s not raining. Though initially hesitant, Sakeena soon recognizes him to be a fairy and thereon, feels safe with him. In no time, they are hopping over patterned potholes and bonding like sisters.

Sakeena: Fairy likes that name so much that he wants it. He practices signing her name in all the walls of Blue Light Area before climbing the pipe to get home to sleep on top of the piano because he can’t find his football. Yes, we forgot to mention this fairy likes to use balls for a pillow.

Fairy wants to bond some more with Sakeena too but she prefers to wait at the bridge for her lover appropriately called EMan, the virtual lover who in spite of his absence turns her on and makes her sleep-row her boat to the bridge.

When fairy learns about EMan, he’s consumed by jealousy. Sakeena had a boyfriend. He didn't.

Fairy turns evil and burns the letter Sakeena writes for EMan and then secretly goes to find EMan himself with the hope of tracing him in the hotel she had mentioned. But no such luck.

He returns without getting laid. Feeling lonely, fairy tries to pick up regulars at the club as he teaches Sakeena to dance to Saawariya with the hope of brainwashing her to forget EMan. No such luck either.

Fairy then goes back to hook up with hooker Gulabji who has played his conscience all through the film. She kicks him out hoping that would help him get over his denial and come out of the closet.

Sakeena ends up with EMan.

Fairy, on seeing EMan finally, is heartbroken.

It was love at first sight for the fairy. But Sakeena bitch finally got her EMan.
All she left back for him was her umbrella.

And, now Fairy continues to wait at the bridge for his EMan.
Amen!