Saturday, November 10, 2007

Saawariya: The fairy's tale!

Since it's impossible for me to review the film in my current frame of mind, here's my interpretation of how Sanjay Leela Bhansali interpreted "White Nights" with Saawariya, the first Indian movie to pay tribute to fairies. Will put up a more serious review later in the week...

Like Rani as Gulabji tells us right at the beginning, the movie is all about a rockstar fairy.

Soon enough, the fairy with pink lips (Ranbir) comes to Blue Light Area, turns down the hottest hooker (obviously, duh!) and bonds with the sisters before telling old hag, silly Lilly (Zohra Sehgal) that he will do the Full Monty to pay his rent. Soon, music director Monty sets up an appropriate number for him to drop the towel. In America, since it’s not unusual for fairies to show their ass on screen, he got to flash. Here, apparently the Censors took it.

By now, we so know Bhansali’s sensitivity towards the mentally ill. Tired of being attacked for his melodrama, this time he shows us with sublime subtlety without never ever directly mentioning that this fairy is mentally ill (check out the Prison Break 'Haywire' expression when fairy does Masha Allah) and sometimes stalks random chicks with backless blouses waiting at the bridge.

One night, the fairy thinks he has met his twin when he spots Sakeena waiting under an open umbrella when it’s not raining. Though initially hesitant, Sakeena soon recognizes him to be a fairy and thereon, feels safe with him. In no time, they are hopping over patterned potholes and bonding like sisters.

Sakeena: Fairy likes that name so much that he wants it. He practices signing her name in all the walls of Blue Light Area before climbing the pipe to get home to sleep on top of the piano because he can’t find his football. Yes, we forgot to mention this fairy likes to use balls for a pillow.

Fairy wants to bond some more with Sakeena too but she prefers to wait at the bridge for her lover appropriately called EMan, the virtual lover who in spite of his absence turns her on and makes her sleep-row her boat to the bridge.

When fairy learns about EMan, he’s consumed by jealousy. Sakeena had a boyfriend. He didn't.

Fairy turns evil and burns the letter Sakeena writes for EMan and then secretly goes to find EMan himself with the hope of tracing him in the hotel she had mentioned. But no such luck.

He returns without getting laid. Feeling lonely, fairy tries to pick up regulars at the club as he teaches Sakeena to dance to Saawariya with the hope of brainwashing her to forget EMan. No such luck either.

Fairy then goes back to hook up with hooker Gulabji who has played his conscience all through the film. She kicks him out hoping that would help him get over his denial and come out of the closet.

Sakeena ends up with EMan.

Fairy, on seeing EMan finally, is heartbroken.

It was love at first sight for the fairy. But Sakeena bitch finally got her EMan.
All she left back for him was her umbrella.

And, now Fairy continues to wait at the bridge for his EMan.
Amen!

18 Comments:

Blogger amrit said...

That's the most hilarious review I have ever read. Too good! :D

7:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahahhahahahahhahahhaha

hahahhahahahahahhahahahaha

hahahahahhahahahahahahahaha

hahahahhahahahaha

10:01 AM  
Anonymous Curious said...

Lolz... I so desperately wanted to see Saawariya.. even though my dad considered it a bad name for a movie.. :P "Saawariya?" in tamil.. :D

Anyways...guess I'll take pass from seeing the pink lip fairy on the silver screen and settle to my pirate DVD...! :-s

10:22 AM  
Blogger Neelabh said...

Dude!!

Fairy!!! :D

You are better than Nikhat Kazmi.. .. any damn given time........

5:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

On the contrary...i preferred Nikhat Kazmi's review. Oh who am i kidding.... yours rocked!! Had me in splits!!!

9:00 AM  
Blogger krishnan said...

Perhaps rediff came up with the best possible one-liner for this movie - Bhansali puts Mumbai to sleep. :)

10:50 PM  
Blogger insane said...

really good review...heheh well now i dont think i want to waste time on watchin it..heheh

2:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL.. That was one of the funniest reviews i've ever read.. but also probably one of the harshest..the movie was bad.. no denying that.. but it had a few pluses.. cinematography, music.. and ranbir did manage to make the girls swoon!!

10:43 AM  
Anonymous Nisha said...

Ranbir managed to make everyone swoon with his atrociously gay antics. I felt faint with the realisation that Sanjay Leela was not God, but just a whimsical fairy too .. :D

7:08 PM  
Blogger Krupa said...

thats outright the most hilarious thing i have read EVER!! hahahhahahahahahha.. maybe bhansali hates the kapoor's and this was his ultimate revenge, give sum1 from their family a totally - gay cum psycho debut role.. lol..

12:54 AM  
Blogger Raja said...

Dude!
Awesomeness.
Finest review I read :)
Seriously, seriously fun.
In the US, it would have kicked arse. Here, we'll just imagine it did and the censors cut out the point of connect.

:)

5:32 AM  
Blogger Suderman said...

amrit:
thanks!

anonymous:
:)

curious:
you might like it though. some of my women friends seem to like ranbir.

neelabh:
thanks. don't read nikhat, so really dunno what you mean... just hope it is a compliment.

anonymous:
now i really have to read the review you are talking about. where do I find it?

krishnan:
chennai was more sportive. we clapped at the end of the movie.

insane:
please never ever judge a movie on the basis of reviews... which after all, are one person's take on the film.

anonymous:
hope i was able to balance the mockery of the film in my official review that appeared in the paper today. Will post the link soon.
For the record, yes, i did love the beauty of images in the film but my appreciation for the film ends right there.

nisha:
well, considering he already has Leela in his name, you are probably right... :D

krupa:
i feel sorry for ranbir. he has potential. I thought he did a fab job in the title track but his mushy antics and gesticulations make him look retarded.

raja:
Point of connect... Lol!
You should include that in your review bro! Thoroughly enjoyed reading it, as always! :)

8:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i didnt read this post thouroughly , but something fairy word is used often, you havent mentioned about ranbir acting which is good and great, in comparision to oso which is such a mass movie just for few laughs, ranbir in saawariya has done good job, his face carries many expressions in each scene. people of india are mass people are sheeps they do what everybody does, film like anbe sivam gets rejected in public and a mass movie like shivaji becomes a hysterical hit in india-chennai, this shows mentality of indian public, they will drag down even great stars to thier levels to do a mass act, which is what sharaukh was done in oso -sex-songs-sleaze-itemnos-strangepatrioticemotions this is what sells in india.

5:15 AM  
Blogger Miss Contrary said...

Yes Sudhish Kamath, this fairy something word you have used, and made fun of mentally ill in paper also, as part of NGO striving for retarded childrens' rights we are planning to organize a peaceful protest and throw stones at your house. All mentality of Indian peoples we are having to change by making touching story like Saawariya and commenter before me has said very correctly that you have cheri mass audience taste. Don't lie, you're liking Namitha also no? Cha. What a disappointment that the greatest critic of our times is also just an ordinary Tube( substitute with rhyming word) lover :D

10:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, i just saw the movie 'Katradhu Thamizh'.

I'd like to know how you felt after seeing this movie.

5:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you stopped reviewing tamil movies?

Kalpana

4:57 PM  
Anonymous Milinta said...

Hey jus stumbled upon this blog (via prav unplugged :))... Heard Saawariya is bad but from what u've written it redefines 'bad' i guess. really don't understand what ppl get out of making such movies.
now my real dilemma is which movie to opt for the weekend with friends.. OSO, Saawariya, vel, ATM all crap.. any idea how good/bad Aaja Nachle is??

And yeah, ur blogs are great. gook work :)

3:56 AM  
Blogger Pointblank said...

jeez! I read ur review, watched te movie n read the review again. I seem to be completely missing te 'fairy' joke. Either m not in te right frame of mind or I'm the mentally retarted one! HELP!!

2:29 AM  

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